Tonight is the season finale of Top Chef (Go Carla!). Like many other people, I will watch the show and criticize what the chefs are making as if I had any idea of how to cook. I do not. Moreover, I will be especially tough on their protein dishes, which is ironic seeing as I have an aversion to cooking meat. It grosses me out. Not eating it mind you, just cooking it.I am a special type of hypocrite: the reluctant non-vegetarian vegetarian. Morningstar Farm products pack my freezer, steakhouses burden my wallet. I try not to eat meat, but an FLT (fake bacon or “facon,” lettuce, and tomato) tastes nothing like a real BLT. It’s not even close. So to avoid these disappointments, I have decided to either start cooking with meat again or give it up entirely. No more half-measures. And as with so many things in life, squeamishness will make the choice for me. Goodbye beef, hello beets. Sigh. I’ll miss you bacon.
But perhaps it’s for the best. This way I can assuage my uncomfortable feelings and boost my punk points at the same time. Plus, I hear there are cupcakes involved, so sign me up.
But somewhere out there is a tri-tip waiting to lure me back to my old ways. I imagine defeat will smell like hickory smoke and marinade.
posted by jw
