Today, on the 196th anniversary of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice being published, I would like to make a confession: I have never read it. Moreover, I doubt I ever will. And furthermore, I will stop lying (or abruptly changing the subject) when someone asks me if I have.To my mind, Pride and Prejudice is one of those books that, if you are a “reader”, people assume you have read. When you tell them that, actually no, you have not read it, they tilt their head to the side in a way that says, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you said you were a reader, but apparently you merely pointed out that you were literate. My bad.” Even though that look stings something fierce, you must give them points for being both prideful and prejudice. It truly is impressive.
Other classic books I have perhaps fudged the truth about reading so as not to receive “that look”:
Atlas Shrugged- (lied about this one at a punk show so as not to be bested by someone with three entirely separate protrusions of hair and a jacket made of bike tires)
Anna Karenina- (lied about this one to a date who had just begun it. I told her it was a wonderfully heartwarming story and not at all tragic or sad)
In Cold Blood- (lied about this one to my sophomore English teacher so as not to get detention… but I suppose that would have given me ample time to read it)
In Search of Lost Time- (lied about this one because I wanted someone to know I was lying to them so they would know that I knew they were lying to me. No one has read all seven volumes of this mammoth.*)
Fact is, there are roughly a billion books out there you won’t have a chance (or a desire) to read. So what if Ulysses or Crime and Punishment don’t make the list. It just means you read something else. Maybe even something Mr. Smug-Arched-Eyebrow hasn’t read.
* Statistically speaking, this is not true. People have read In Search of Lost Time, but know one knows who these people are.
posted by -jw-
