This may come as a surprise to some (and if you happen to be one of those "some," I apologize for blowing your mind), but library employees have not read every book in this building. Shocking, I know. But when you break down the numbers (one reader vs. a trillion books... trust me, I've counted), there's just not enough time."But you work in a library. You must get to read all day, right?" Wrong again, Joan Q. Public. Like any other job, it is frowned upon to kick your feet up on the desk and lose yourself in a novel. Like any other job, that's a good way to not work somewhere anymore. We don't even get to do that on National Library Workers Day. (Which came and passed yesterday without anyone bringing me flowers or giving me a hug. I had to resort to giving myself a card. It was sad.) Here (i.e. the library) is where I read book reviews to stay knowledgeable about what's new and see which books I want to bring home with me.
And I do bring them home, but rarely do I get a chance to actually read them. Small things like feeding oneself and making sure the apartment doesn't look like an episode of Hoarders can put a damper on dedicated reading time. So the books stack up and test the structural integrity of the shelves. They stare accusingly at me when I pass.
So instead of a list of good books I have read, here are some books that I have checked out and am excited about reading but will most likely not get to. Which, confusingly, means I'm excited to not read them.
-The Poisoner's Handbook: Like CSI New York, but with bowler caps, no rubber gloves, and every mystery ends with "... and he was killed by... POISON! (dah dah dahhhhh)"
-Insectopedia: Often we forget about how much contact we have with insects. Then a book like this comes around and you won't be able to forget it no matter how much you want to. No matter if it gives you nightmares and keeps you awake scanning the walls for spiders. Nope, you'll be doomed to think about it.
-Still Life- Adventures in Taxidermy: We've already gone over this one.
-The Story of Stuff: In efforts to prepare for a move, I should read something that will make me feel guilty about all my worldly belongings resulting in the donation of everything I own. I will then have to repurchase "everything" when I realize I owned very little to begin with.
-Total Oblivion, More or Less: Because the premise sounds absolutely bonkers.
Should I actually crack the cover on any of these, I will let you know.
posted by jw
